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Reading List

| Love Drunk |
by schreient_0
| Expectations |
by aquariuslover
| A Learning Process |
by little_passions
| Play The Keys to My Heart |
by sweetsweets
| I'm Yours, You're Mine |
by jaejoongah
| 1095 Days Later |
by meheartyunho
| Gravity |
by memoryRy
| Immortal Desires |
by walin
| The Agreement |
by SuperBlue
| Nanny 911 |
by Kairi_Ichigo
| Entrapped Into Love |
by OnyxAriezz
| Without A Trace |
by Ginseng



basecode: Nurul AtiQah
Edit by: Cikmimin
Re-Edited By: minukkie

♥ Handsome Push

My latest drama obsession.

It's been so long since I wrote anything. But I have a lot of feelings for this story I just had to let it out.

This isn't my first Thai drama. The first one that piqued my interest to keep on hunting for other Thai dramas was Full House Thai. I think FHT was the only drama that met my standard and expectations at the time, back in 2014. However, my thirst for more good Thai dramas couldn't be satisfied back then because all I could find was only emotional lakorns with not much substance, if any. I gave up at that point and went back to my Kdrama/Cdrama craze.

I can't really remember how the Thai drama fever started again. I was browsing random stuff about dramas and actors, watching Cdrama on the side, and then suddenly... POOF! I was already obsessed with Push. If they say you don't really know when is the exact point you fell in love, well, that was what happened to me.

There was a phase where I like to spend time browsing through youtube, looking for drama previews (basically watching drama OSTs) just to get the feel of the drama before even learning what the drama is all about. It's one way for me to decide if I would like the drama at all at the end of the day, because you can't really rely on other people's point of view since one way or another, there is always that biased quality. So, if I like the first drama preview, I will look for other fanmade videos of the same drama. Having some ideas forming in my head, and if I like it, I will definitely go search for the drama online to know what it was all about.

So the story goes, somehow I ended up watching a preview (fanmade video) of Push's drama Roy Leh Sanae Rai. I was like, hmmm... rich guy pursuing a plain girl but ended up getting splashed by a basin of water, probably because he did something bad to her and so he's getting punished. And oh, wait a minute, they're married! The lead male seems good looking and the story concept is kind of my thing (after-marriage romance dispute), so I gave it a go, and yeahh it's really pretty good. Though, at this point in time I only fully watched until Episode 6 and skipped most parts for the rest of the series, just enough to be able to understand the story line. RLSR isn't really my cup of tea on the aspects that the story is being draggy and there was too much inclusion of unnecessary conflicts. But still, the idea of the story was pretty nice, so I really honestly did enjoy it.

Then I went looking for Push's wiki. Good actors like him deserves a lot of chances and medium to convey his talent. Well, to me he's good enough to deserve more screening time (ain't he just so handsome!) hahaha. And awesome enough, he really did get a lot of acting opportunities, and seeing those list of dramas of him was like... for once my prayers has been answered! Thank you God!! LOL. Dang he looks good in all of the characters he portrayed, and his acting is simply effortless. Just LOVE.

I saw that his latest drama was UPrince. I was like... wait a minute. I saw this title on Kissasian before. It was recently updated (back then it was Episode 2). I remembered giving Episode 1 a go but kinda dropped it when saw that the male lead wasn't that attractive so I wanted to wait for it to finish airing first before coming back to it again. But right after I realised it was Push, I was like... WHAT THE HECK MAN HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE HIM! I guess his charm was what really caught my attention.

From then onwards, this UPrince series (The Handsome Cowboy) is the ultimate gift from heaven for me. HEARTS!!

All aspects of this drama is an A+ for me. The story development, the events, the romance, the acting, the funny quirks, the visuals, the castings... all of them worked so well for me. It has been a long time since I kept on refreshing a scene and rewatching episodes back-to-back countless time (I think the last time I did that was ten years ago) and replaying my favourite scenes, because I just can't get enough of them.

Only one thing though, I wished the OSTs were better (I really liked Full House Thai's OSTs. Still can't move on from them since 2 years ago).

So... I have a LOT to say about my feels for this drama. Keep up with me, k. Spoilers ahead!

Firstly, DARLING PUSH. Why you so handsome arghh. I will safely say that I think P'Sibtis is the type of man I will be looking for in a partner. Not in the playboy sense. But all else that is P'Sibtis (his personality), me likey very much. He is playful, random, spontaneous, confident, sweet, charming, faithful, a little spoiled... I can watch P'Sibtis on screen all year long if I had all the time in the world. If only I can have one of him at my side forever. ;p

Then, recalling my favourite characters, I think Cholly is the most brilliant one. If I could say girl-power, he definitely owns it LOL! I don't even mind that he's gay because he rocks! Hed/Ped are also really cute. If Hed/Ped didn't exits, I don't think this story would be as funny and amusing. Go go Hed/Ped!! :D

And on the story line... Fuh. I am hard to please because I tend to expect very high standards on a lot of things. But this story delivered almost 90% of my expectations.

Feels like you're standing beside them in real life. All the trivial movements, the tiny flick of the eye-lashes, dialogue reactions... everything is as natural as you can make it to be. It's very rare for you to see Asian dramas looking so natural. Even for Kdramas, the acting movements were rigidly scripted that you can get easily bored looking at same reactions when that certain event occurred. Almost all Kdrama actors grunt the same way, smile the same way, cry the same way, get jealous the same way, and even blink the eye the same way! Well, I get easily irritated by unnecessary repetitions. So THUMBS UP to UPrince The Handsome Cowboy Series for the excellent natural acting!

I'm not really educated on things cinematic, but when I like everything that I see visually, then it's a thumbs up! The colours, the frames, the views, are just excellent. They didn't even explore the whole of IUCA but it was OK (you get to watch the next 11 stories in the series to see all that I guess) but it was simply sufficient. And Wimarndin was just so breathtaking... The beauty of the place was captured so well.

Well, the only thing I'm still trying to figure out is the evolution between the younger and older character. I mean, the older Prikkang is so stubborn and can get really mischievous when she wants to. But I would expect her child self to have been as naughty as that, but the younger Prikkang was such a sweet little girl following the older brother around. I find this fact a little contradicting, so I can't really put attachment to the idea of childhood friends being in love since childhood in this story. As for Sibtis' playboy persona... Well, I blame it on the American peer pressure LOL. But still, his child character was so nice and quiet that it's hard to relate how playful and spontaneous he became when he's all grown up. Being nice and quiet as a child, I would mostly picture him grow up as a mysterious playboy instead. Because you know, deep down, the core of your personalities does not change with age.

So this is a very light girlfriend-boyfriend, playboy-stubborngirl, childhood friends separated; type of story. They meet again in university and restarted the spark of love they once had when they were kids. Er... LOL... Sorry, as I've said, I just can't relate to the extent of love the two leads had when they were children. Come on man, they're just kids. You can have a crush on one another, but to already feel the type of love that can last until you're old especially considering you will be separated for 10 freaking years... just no... ANYWAYS, let's just say it could happen (chances one over a gazillion. I don't even remember what happened in my life 5 years ago), then yeah, its the most romantic childhood friendship love story you could have. Apart from this tiny flaw, everything else is brilliant. For me, I just love the twists and turns of them knowing they were still in love and getting around the fact that both of them have somehow changed (although this part wasn't really explored) and have other commitments and have had histories and how they tried to get use to each other again (albeit put in the simplest way). Besides, I'm just a sucker for angsty love LOL. And most of all, how often could you find so much cuteness in friendship interactions which had been on pause for 10 years? His playful teases was what got me going through the whole series (be my boyfriend please!!) hahah.

~this kind of Sibtis-tease is just LOL~

BTW, I read some comments bashing Sibtis' character since he tends to harass (read: rape. Although I don't really consider it rape per se) Prikkang whenever things doesn't go his way between them (signs of domestic violence and whatnot). But I think, considering that he's a playboy (and a popular one at that), his reactions towards the things that really really really mattered to him was somewhat expected. Besides, there is the fact that he only stepped over the boundaries when he's drunk. Who in the world doesn't do stupid things when they're drunk? At that point, you have no control over the workings of your brain let alone to understand reasons. All you know at that point is that you're angry and sad and frustrated and you want her to know all that too. Based on Sibtis' playboy mindset, putting himself out there to love her as hard as he can was the way to go, because maybe only then will she finally see how much he really loves her. But he's drunk, so things might not come out the way he had wanted it to, that he ended up hurting her and making her cry.

And you have to give Sibtis some credit. He really tried his best, which shows that he's honest with himself. It can be really difficult to break bad habits, especially the ones which you were once proud of. But once you succeed, things really does get better for you and everyone around you. Sibtis managed to curb his desire for women's attention in the end, albeit needing a really2 significant catalyst accompanied by severe heartbreak. This is equivalent to trying to stop from smoking, you know. You'd still need nicotine patches, or even a fact that you've been diagnosed with some cancer to really2 stop smoking in the end. Humans are just like that. So what's happening around Sibtis and his journey to self-improvement, to me, is admirable and real.

However, for Prikkang, I wished there was more portrayal of how popular she was. It was only briefly mentioned at the beginning that a lot of guys were after her. But then, she was completely left alone for the rest of the story, only accompanied by her two best friends all the time. That was a little let down for me. If the news that the popular and beautiful Prikkang was betrayed by her boyfriend and they've broken up got out, Sibtis' heartbreak would've been more pronounced if there were plenty other guys apart from Key pursuing her. Sibtis should be made really really insecure, since it was so clear to me that Key wouldn't make it past her walls. The least I could hope for was there was someone similar to Sibtis' personality but more kind-hearted around, who is also fighting for Prikkang's love. Like... amidst Prikkang's confusion, there was a high possibility for her to fall for the other guy too.

~THIS HOTNESS *fans self*~

All in all, this particular drama is just what I was looking for within the school romance genre. It doesn't drag, just enough to make you understand the ideas and grasp the feelings. Straight to the point and efficient. It didn't make me cry though, none of the scenes did (I think it's mostly due to lack of a good accompanying OST). But I did empathise with the characters. I couldn't blame anyone for the events in the story, and I do root for Sibtis from start to end (partly because Push is just so pleasing to look at LOL). However, I really hated it when Key appears on my screen. He just looks so gay! (Sorry!!)

And their off screen relationship is really cute too. Or maybe I just like looking at Push all the time LOL. Like Sibtis' character, Push is just so fun to be around with. :D Maybe that's why he could fit into Sibtis' character so effortlessly. I fell so much in love awhh (HEARTS ALL AROUND).

This has been a pretty long entry huh? :p Thank you for spending time to read all these crap. I'm just so bored with work right now, and I have been wanting to rant for a long time. Well, until next time! I'm off to watch more Push on dramas BYE :D

Sibtis is LOVE
PUSH is just the cutest thing in the world

btw, my comment box expired. If you wanna chat with me, feel free to drop me an email ash.kin89@gmail.com

♥ Empress Ki

I just finished watching Empress Ki...

This is like... the best sageuk drama I've ever came across yet!
If anyone is still contemplating to watch this 51 episode drama, I will tell you that it's going to be worth it. I have no regrets, just a lot of feels!

I'm a full time investment analyst working from 8am-5pm. I only have the weekends to enjoy dramas. Seeing that I don't like to pause on my marathon, I prefer to stay away from long dramas (more than 20 episodes). Take Empress Ki for example. The weekend only comprise of 48 hours in total, and this drama has 50+ episode equivalent to needing 50+ hours to watch. Obviously the weekends won't be enough! So I have been waiting for long weekends (public holidays on fridays and mondays) but it seems there weren't a lot so I had to keep pushing this back from my waiting list.

BUT! Somehow, I accidentally clicked, and I accidentally watched! (I guess I just need my frequent doses of 20 episodes sageuk dramas, which not many is produced lately). So I ended up sneaking in the office to watch bits and bits each day as well (SHHH!! You wouldn't be able to resist I'm telling you!). But it was worth it. (Sorry, boss!)

I will spazz on this drama now. There will be spoilers, so don't read on if you don't want to be spoiled.

After watching this whole drama, I believe a lot of people will question this: Does Ki Nyang really really loves the Emperor? I had my own suspicions throughout the drama. Sometimes it does seem that she really loves him, but sometimes it seems that she only cared because she had to. It gets confusing throughout, especially with all the plot rolling around and the intense political schemes going on.

But to me, YES, she definitely loved the Emperor. I will re-watch this drama one day to confirm my suspicions and to really get into the feels much earlier (when I can find the time). In my opinion, her love for the Emperor started ever since she was given the task to protect him. Being by his side 24/7, listening to him rant about his problems, seeing first hand of who the exiled prince (he was not Emperor yet) really is. Also, this is where she began to realise that the Emperor is not that much different from her. His father was murdered too, and he was just as alone as her in this world. As they say, having things in common helps to bring the hearts together.

Ki Nyang is such a private person. She doesn't show her true feelings often if at all, perhaps due to her childhood tragedy especially of losing her mother right on front of her eyes. Also since she was used to not show her true self when she pretended to be a boy since her mother died up until she got busted in the middle of the story. Having behaved this way for so long, perhaps she already forgot how to express herself to other people. Often in the drama we saw her letting out tears with a straight face each time she watches someone gets killed/sentenced to death. Ki Nyang's heart is as soft as any woman's. Underneath the facade she'd been putting on, who knows the reality of what's really going on within her. That is why it is not impossible for her to have developed feelings for the Emperor ever since the beginning of everything. She just didn't know how to show it, until up at the end when all the power struggling dramas have subsided.

If you may ask, why did she accept Wang Yu's proposal in the first place if she already had the heart for the Emperor? Well, I would blame it on everything else that is going on. The Emperor is from Yuan, Wang Yu is from Goryeo. Both nations are not in the best relationships, the type where Yuan would oppress and betray, and Goryeo would always seek for vengeance. Being a Goryeo-born, naturally she would side to her Mother country. It is safer for her to stay in the hands of the people of Goryeo compared to confessing her feelings to the 'enemy'. After all, a lot had happened to her family thanks to the people of Yuan. All she needed was someone to appreciate and take care of her. And Wang Yu seemed like the better option at the time. And of course, she was still a nobody. How could a nobody have any sort of relationship with an emperor of another country?

Then comes the question: Did Ki Nyang fell in love with Wang Yu? Well, there are many types of love. I would say, Ki Nyang loved Wang Yu a little more than a comrade but a little less than a lover. Ki Nyang devotes her life and loyalty to the King of Goryeo, as the ruler of her country who is just in his ruling. This devotion may translate into a type of love where you would swear your life to protect. But it may not be personal enough to touch the deepest parts of her heart.

Well, that's it about the love of Ki Nyang's life, all summed up. To know the details, you'll have to watch the drama! But I have to say, there isn't that much details in itself. The romance in this drama is all clouded and hidden within the events and actions taken by characters to overcome the fate that befalls upon them. That was why it's hard to be sure of the characters' feelings unless you understand the politics and the battles as well.

The ending however... OMG. After all they had been through, after all the sacrifices they made, after all the people they have lost... He died T_T Why does the Emperor had to die? They were the strengths of each other. He had always told her that he couldn't live without her. When he died before her, I couldn't help but wonder... how would she live without him? If I was in her shoes, I would have a lot of regrets. Mostly on not being able to let him know that she loves him until his last breath. At least they were able to spend years and years by each other's side, and she still had Ayu to help ease the longing even by a little. I would like to believe that the years spent after Golta and the Empress Dowager were killed, was beautiful for them both. If only the Producers would show a scene or two...

One thing that I didn't favor in this story is that a lot of people died. I mean, A LOT. From Youtube videos, we all know that the Emperor dies in the end. What I personally didn't expect was that Wang Yu died as well! If I could say this out loud, it seemed as if everyone died in the end. T_T I really hated stories with too much characters ending up dead, and they're all main characters no less! The Emperor, Wang Yu, Tal Tal, Jeom Bak, Moo Song... and of course the evil side (all of them Thank God!). The remaining ones are only Ki Nyang, Bang, Jeok Ho, Dok Man, Bul Hwa and the loyal servants. But seriously, the killing spree doesn't stop throughout the drama. A lot of people were killed, inside and outside the palace. I wondered how many population would there be left in Yuan at the rate of the killings LOL.

Despite all the deaths, Empress Ki is still a great drama to watch and enjoy. Everyone's acting is really good, and the costumes are really really pleasant to the eyes. I absolutely love JCW's costumes in this drama. It complemented his figure very well, and made me fall in love with him a bit more each episode. Everyone else's costumes are very nice as well, even the servants' costumes!

All in all, it has been such a wonderful and emotional roller-coaster. There were funny parts, sad parts, and parts which are so frustrating that I feel like choking someone to death (specifically of Yom Byung Su who didn't die when he was slashed by the sword to save El Temur, or when he was infected by The Plague, and many other instances UGHH). I laughed, I cried... There were so much feels.

On top of it all, Ji Chang Wook is the most amazing actor of all the Korean actors! His type of acting is what I have been looking for these whole time, something that is so excellent you couldn't really differentiate if Ji Chang Wook's personality is similar to Ta Hwan's for him to be able to portray such real feelings in his character. Every movement of his limbs, each twitch of his eyes, the intonation of each syllables, everything seems so real you can't help but get immersed in his world.

Plus, he has the eyes similar to JaeJoong's. So it's hard not to melt every time his scene came up. I mean, look at him.

Watch it! Empress Ki, I mean. Especially if you're a fan of historical dramas. It has a fair mix of everything within the 51 episodes. Even non-fans of historical dramas have enjoyed it, so you should too! Okay, enough spreading the love. I will hunt down other dramas starring Ji Chang Wook. I just couldn't get enough of his talent. He can even sing, dang!

Look at that. Visually, he's like a mix of Kim JaeJoong, Shim ChangMin and Lee MinHo all in one person. DROOLS!!

♥ Here I am still

And... here I am

In the middle of the night

Listening to this instrumental piece...

And wishing that I had the time to write

This song gives me feels... those of which is really hard to come by

Feels that is useful to be able to express my words better

But I have work tomorrow

And tomorrow is the first day of school

So traffic will be a PAIN

I can't afford to be tired or not having enough sleep

But here I am, still listening to this on loop

♥ I just want to write


I'm here.

I've been itching to write for some reason. Not that I have any ideas on what to write about. I just feel like writing... anything. Sharing... Weird.

Almost too often, I kind of feel that my true passion is actually writing. I could totally 100% picture myself as a writer, just sitting at a desk with a mug of hot chocolate at the side, writing into the nights on my laptop for the rest of my life. Seriously. I don't care what I write about. Stories, articles, experience... Just so long that I could play with words and express myself.

If ever I were to decide to retire earlier, writing is what I would do for the rest of my days.

Anyways, today had been hectic. I was supposed to attend a C.F.A. class but someone arranged for a department meeting with the boss without making sure that everyone was available -_- (the meeting was the first for the year which is usually held to update every single detail on everything for the rest of 2015) and was later dragged to lunch with the whole department (of 8 people LOL). So I ended up missing the morning session of the class and also missed the first hour of the evening session. I wasn't too happy with the outcome of the meeting because I am no longer monitoring a proper company. But oh well, whatever. I guess my boss has something better planned for me. I know I haven't been very diligent in my work in 2014, but sometimes it just isn't fair when all you need is some hands-on yet you're given no chances. Somehow, I feel like someone is out sabotaging me. Hah!

Well, Allah knows better. I just hope and pray that 2015 will be a better year for me and my career. And if ever someone is really of the intention to sabotage me, I hope that one day that person will have a taste of their own medicine.

End note: I'm just a sucker for songs with piano openings, better yet if it goes on for the rest of the song.

♥ Hello 2015!

It's been two years! almost... since my last post. I used to love writing so much that this space had once become my retreat. But life got more hectic as time went by. Even if I wanted to, I rarely could find the time to write something decent. I went to check on my dashboard just now and realised that I have quite a few entries still in 'draft' mode. Everything is half-written, stories of back then, in which most I have already forgotten about. :(

But no matter. A new year has come, and I'm having high hopes for 2015. I've never listed any New Year's resolution all my life, let alone to fulfil the list. But these past few days, something inside me is pushing to have things done differently. I want things to be different, better. Not that I would ever come up with a list or anything. 

But if I have to, my New Year's resolution is 'To have things done in a different way, because the only constant in life is change'.

Cliche. Cheesy. I know.

A lot has changed now. I am no longer a full-time student. One of the reasons for the lack of posts (more like no posts at all since 2013), is that working life began. After completing my studies, I had to go through six months probation period, plus six months training. In all honesty, working 8am to 5pm everyday is really no fun at all. Every single day you wonder when will you ever get your well deserved break (because when in school, you have semester breaks, darn right!). It's not until a few months later that I began to understand the phrase 'work-life balance' and why is it so important. Well, it is. Because if you don't have that balance, you can go crazy. Unless you're a workaholic, of course.

Despite the exhaustion and the non-existent of a peaceful sleep, the pay had been cool. Well, I don't earn very much yet, but it's just really cool to earn your own money and have it your way of spending every single penny of it. Not to mention the year-end bonuses!

10 years ago, I would've never imagined standing in this position. An analyst, working 8 to 5, 5 days a week. 10 years ago, I had always imagined myself as a researcher. I would still be studying now, finishing my PHD and perhaps going for a second degree in a totally different field. I have always pictured myself being around stacks of books, in labs, and not communicating with people very much. I would come up with research papers on new findings, work from wherever I please, and have a very flexible working schedule.

However, fate has written differently for me it seems.

I wouldn't complain, though. Perhaps this is for the better. Though I always get upset over the fact that my childhood dream is long way gone, Allah knows better. And besides, I still do some research now anyways, so its cool. It's just that my boss worries that I do too much research, LOL.

You can never deny passion, boss. Heh.

It's almost midnight now. I do have more to share considering my two years' absence, but I'm starting to feel the sore at the back of my eyes. I really need to sleep. Otherwise I might not wake up in time to get ready for work tomorrow. 

We'll see if I'd be writing again anytime soon. Until then, take care! I'll leave you with one of my favourite audio as of recently. I have quite a few, but I'll save the others for another day.

Talented people is simply talented. Fell in love with his covers and mashups. I'm envious.