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minukkie  To navigate, please hover over the image. Thank you. :) Lovenotes Reading List by schreient_0 | Expectations | by aquariuslover | A Learning Process | by little_passions | Play The Keys to My Heart | by sweetsweets | I'm Yours, You're Mine | by jaejoongah | 1095 Days Later | by meheartyunho | Gravity | by memoryRy | Immortal Desires | by walin | The Agreement | by SuperBlue | Nanny 911 | by Kairi_Ichigo | Entrapped Into Love | by OnyxAriezz | Without A Trace | by Ginseng  Credits
| ♥ half hung in the air There's no specific reason for me to share this video. I guess it somehow inspired me to do better, to work harder to push through all sorts of obstacles, and most importantly to be grateful of everything that I have. We might think that we've been through the worst, but there are certainly others who've been through a lot worse. Despite my hectic schedule, here I am hoping to write an entry that will make sense. I really really really miss writing, seriously. I miss rambling and pouring my heart out in words. I miss the feeling of my fingers dancing across the keyboard and watching as letter by letter appear on the screen, telling a story that's been buried deep inside of me. It's been months since I last wrote anything creative. I had thought that the break from writing would do me good, and will able me to focus more on my studies. But it seems that I was wrong. I'm slowly losing myself now, I'm becoming more easily detached from everything around me. I simply can't find my equilibrium anymore. Anything I do seemed to be not enough, and if it's enough, there's no satisfaction within the effort. Something is missing within me. Or more correctly, something is trying to push itself out of me, wanting to reveal itself, but I've stubbornly kept it down. And that has sent me to this state of confusion, emptiness and longing. God, how I wish I could ditch just a few hours to write a oneshot or something, any plot that crossed my mind. But each time I gave in to these desires, it would always be cut back by the reminder of the ticking clock, signaling that I won't have enough time to cover all my academic materials if I did. Writing a oneshot usually took me a few hours, and that few hours equals to a topic of lectopia (our recorded lecture provided by the university). I could resolve in writing drabbles, perhaps, but a few hundred words honestly won't be able to quench my thirst. I can't wait for exams to be over. But then again, a lot of other things awaits by then. A lot more things... This is life huh? heh.. One down, three more to go. Well, things went quite well for my paper yesterday. Aside from the part that I was fairly ready and was able to complete my preparation for that subject, the question wasn't too hard. It was fairly challenging for a third year subject, but I've been through something much worse which was to the point that I lost ALL of my confidence to push through my studies. It was that bad the last time round. Remember the story about my Banking and Lending course? Yeah.. That was much MUCH worse. I gave up and wasn't able to get back on my feet for a whole of two days! So yesterday was fairly fine. I can't say I'm confident that I'll perform for the subject, but at least I was sure that I gave everything I could. Maybe I could've given more, but I'm not complaining. I will trust God to arrange what is best for me. :) The hardest parts are yet to come. I'm mostly worried about my last paper. I hate it when information are vague in my mind, and the materials for this subject is just that. It's not that the course itself is vague, in case you misunderstood. I meant that the input that I've received still haven't clicked the right switches in my brain, I can't really connect to it yet, which also means that I could be completely lost with just a tiny twist of an exam question. And I don't want that... I'm very much hoping that I could further my studies, and to get to that point, I'd need more than just an above-average results. Help me God... P/s: Did you know that 'Allah' is the arabic word for God? Some people has mistaken that muslims should use 'Allah' when referring to the Almighty. I once wrote on a chat conversation 'Oh My God' and this friend of mine attempted to correct me and wrote back 'Oh My Allah' as if using omg was inappropriate. Honestly I feel there is no need for such things. Allah has 99 names. I could just reply back an 'Oh My Ar-Rahman', or 'Oh Tuhan ku' if I wanted to. It's what we're referring the Name to in our hearts is what matters most, and our Iman. Muslims are confusing themselves between arabic culture and the religion itself. And that is why it is crucial for us to get to know the world around us, to learn from the poeple we meet and to learn from our mistakes. :D |
