yeahh... maybe it's because I don't want to in the first place, that is why I'm behaving like this. I do believe that there is some sort of reasons that I'm meant to get that scholarship and go to Australia instead of the UK. Now that I've spent almost a year thinking about it, this is actually the best for me, I have to agree.

Now I can see with my own eyes how other Msian students behave once they are abroad. I'm watching my juniors now, and often compare the difference of what each of us have gone through. I can clearly see the evidence, that it is true that they come here just to get their names listed as 'Overseas Students'. Get what I mean? Maybe not. When we were still in preparation, we often watch our seniors who are already abroad, going to places and shopping imported goods at low prices in a foreign country. They were wearing layers and layers of clothes with snow in their hands, and we would think, 'That is so cool! That should be me! She's so lucky! I'm going to show them that I can do that too!'. Just because we yearn to play with snow, and we can't possibly wear layers of clothes in Msia so it's simply a solid proof that we're overseas (and it is exactly the largest bragging item that we could show off to everyone in the whole wide world).

So I watched my juniors doing each and every of those how-to-show-off-to-people-back-home steps. First, come back home late at night. We can't really do this in Msia because it's plain dangerous especially if we're alone. But this is a more civilised foreign country, people here are more conscious about manners and humanity, so no one would hurt you like they would in Msia. Besides, it's already dark at 5pm, which doesn't look that much different from 12am. Second, buy new clothes! Damn, the fashion here is so different and I should be part of it. "Barula nampak cam oversea sikit!" -_- And they would go all the way to Harbour Town after a few weeks being in this foreign land just to do the shop-for-the-low-priced-imported-goods-in-a-foreign-land kind of thing. WTH. Third, make weekly get-togethers!!!!! WOOHOOOOO!!! Caucasians do it every Friday even for no reason at all. We should do it too!! So they meet up at the city or Southbank to dine or watch a movie, or sleepover and gossip all night just for the sake of it. Every week! Fourth, work! And earn solid AUD!! No matter what it takes, we should think of something! Maybe we should set up a business! Then we can tell people that we're earning in AUD! Fifth, mingle with Aussies, because we're in Australia! Not everyone can get Caucasian friends like this. What a perfect asset to show off!! -_- OMG.

After they're done with all those steps, and more, they'll write about them on facebook so that everyone can see, become curious and ask. L.A.M.E!!

Do they realise the purpose of them being here? To show off? Come on people, this chance is a curse! -_- Fine, that might be a bit harsh. But really, this is a lifetime's commitment to the country. What is the use of being in a foreign land but not to catch up to their life's standards? We should learn what these people think should be a priority. How are they different from Msians. What can we learn from these smarty-pants-Caucasians that could bring up our own nation? -_- No wonder Msia is still the same ol' Msia, if not worse. sigh. These kinds of people are selfish! They only take what they can, and when they come back, they would only bring the foreign goods, foreign clothes and foreign pictures to SHOW OFF. What is the good in that? Where are those foreign findings, the special values that we should share with the rest of our country? To adapt the better in this foreign culture to make our own people live better?

Yes, we should take this opportunity to go to places while our visas are still valid, but when I think about it, till how far? Are we going to each corner of the Outback just so that we can tell people later that we've been EVERYWHERE? If I'm having that mindset, yes, I would search for every corner and every hole and see them with my own eyes, because my aim is high. That is why I'm not fussy of wanting to go to places. I just don't care, because I know I'll only be disappointed in the end because I can't go EVERYWHERE. It's just not practical. And partly, I'm just not a traveller. I want to see the world, but I'm not that enthusiastic to see everything. Unless, if I'm going with people who are dearest to me, because they're what I care most for. I like to have the joy of being with the people I love. I value quality time with family and friends most. I don't care about seeing the world. That could come later in my to-do-list.

Flying alone, and living with private students who didn't just come here to have fun or go with the popular flow, I think it made me this way. It gives me a chance to see things in a different perspective, and to not be clouded by typical mindsets.


p/s: I do tend to post parts of my feelings on facebook in case someone might get curious of me, but not parts of what I'm doing!
p.p/s: and yes, I still can't get this out of my mind. Because it keeps on popping in front of me just as I was about to enjoy my peaceful and quiet student life here. -_- It's EXTREMELY annoying!!

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